Shoegly ~Tommy Hilfiger's Constance~

A shoe so ugly it's shoegly!

Tommy Hilfiger "Constance"

Oh, Tommy. Our unrequited love-hate relationship burns on...

*cross-posted to Style Bard Shoes

Project Runway is Inspirational

Smash hit television reality show Project Runway (which, by the way, needs to have another season already) has been covered on this site from time to time, and I cannot say with more enthusiasm what a fan I am of Blogging Project Runway and its moderators, who do a bang-up job of providing a friendly space for the fans.

Unfortunately, new generations of fashion designers aren't all the show seems to be inspiring. Check out a recent entry from AOL-affiliated fashion blog Style Dash: Clothing from Condoms. Does this picture look familiar to you:



Because it looks very familiar to Project Runway fans, if you've been around since Season One:



Balloons sure do look a lot like something else suddenly, don't they?

Now the candy-and-balloon bikini has lost some of its innocence (I didn't even know that was possible), and you want to look at all-American mother Wendy Pepper in a whole new light. If you didn't look at her cock-eyed already.

Now how about re-creating all of the Project Runway favorites out of prophylactics, hmmm? "Project Birth Control." I smell a new challenge, Heidi!

For more creative contraceptive style, check out Artifactual Creations recycled birth control pill jewelry!

Skeletons in the Closet

What's scarier than a gruesome skeleton in your closet? That article of clothing that is your secret shame; we all have one. It's that piece your friends cringe to see you wearing outside of your bedroom and you swear they just don't understand!

What's mine, you ask? It's worse than you think.

A flannel.

A man's flannel.

It was seven dollars. I think it was from L.L. Bean. It looks eerily similar to this:



(Sidebar: On the L. L. Bean site, it says 'durable buttons' in the description, and I thought it said 'adorable buttons' and I sat here in smug amusement for a good 45 seconds, marveling at how poorly they understood their audience, or thinking maybe the writers for the site have a great sense of humor, before the word actually became 'durable' to me. Yeesh.)

I say "looks" rather than "looked" because while I do see the benefit of lying and saying I've gotten rid of the thing, I believe in truth and honesty and all that. Not only do I wear this $7 flannel, but I wear it around, like, a lot. In public! Because it is soft. So soft, and comfortable! And warm! You know how a sweater can be too warm in air conditioning, and light sleeves can leave you chilly? You know what's always completely perfect? Flannel. Checkered, plaided, collared, Luke-from-Gilmore-Girls, Paul Bunyan, "Tiiiiiiimber!" flannel.

I admit, I have been embarrassed when a simple 4-hour Greyhound bus ride turns into multiple random encounters with people I know, or let's-just-make-a-stop trips to the mall, or somehow, places where I will be photographed. I never mean to actually be caught wearing it and being conscious at the same time! Yet, such is the risk when it leaves my house at all. Like Old Navy flip-flops and plain cotton panties, the flannel is one of those things I say I won't wear, I'll just have it for comfort and sleeping, and then I totally am a big, fat liar! What can I say? I travel a lot (6 buses in the past four weeks), and I have been blessed with the ability to sleep on public transport, given the right flexibility of comfort in my apparel. I cannot resist this flannel, my friends. Shame on me.

What I felt I needed, really, was to confess my sins, get it all out in the open, and face my demons. I hope to find the strength to change. I am looking for support from my fashion support group. "My name is Style Bard: I wear my oversized flannel, like, around. Around people who can see." (And I only try to cuten it up (encuten it?) with heels or girly accessories about 40% of the time. Honestly, it helps. Stilettos and a fuckton of sparkly will glamorize anything.)

At least I know better than to wear it with my Birkenstocks.
Aaah, okay, but I kid, I kid.

(Seriously, I don't own Birkenstocks. There's a line, my friends. A line. And also there's always Old Navy flip-flops.)

Now, you trump my fashion "Don't" in the comments or link me to your blog, and make me feel better about myself. Thanks!

Downside of Dove

Hey! So true. It's a mini-update on Dove from a very wise blogger, along the lines of, "Do you enjoy seeing me try to balance this stupid bottle on its precious little nose?"

Get back on the wagon of customer ease, Dove. I friggin' despise this type of click dispenser top.

New Article

Bard's latest article is up on HerFabLife!

Be Sporty with Style
-reviewing the sports gear RideShop from Zappos

Irregular Choice Apparel, Yay!

As we may all remember from early in my Barding career, my favorite shoes are Irregular Choice. The original post on the matter is here, for nostalgia's sake. (And to prove that I hearted booties before everyone else hearted booties. Though I still loathe the word 'booties.') For most people, UK-based Irregular Choice are the shoes they love to hate, for reasons I just cannot fathom. In a world of trend-stalking knocked-off recycled shoes, Irregular Choice creates shapes and styles that are actually novel. I don't care if they swing and miss, since when they don't miss, the hits are out of the ballpark. You see what I did there? That was a sports metaphor. I get a cookie.

This is why I am very, very excited about all of the possibilities for when I.C. launches its debut clothing line this year. The preview is online for one week, from July 1st.

Like the shoes, I find I.C.'s aesthetic to be young, edgy, and risk-taking. (You know how I could tell they were those things? Thumb holes in the sleeves! Also, in one photo, the model is leaning against a motorcycle. Badass!) I particularly love the Granny's Tea Party (shirt? dress?) piece seen above. I wouldn't have anticipated approving of saddle-bag style pockets, but Irregular Choice proves the 'you don't know until you try' theory. And, mysteriously, sometimes you still don't know. But it's gonna make you think. And that's just one shirt. (Dress?)

I would heavily advise against pairing I.C. shoes with any I.C. item. These are feature items, folks, they are not to be overlapped. That's not an ironic fashion statement, it's a statement like, hey, I'm vision impaired- and now you are, too! But alone? As a focal piece? Absolutely.

If you go look at the rest of Irregular Choice's offerings, you can leave them some feedback and be entered into a drawing to win a free article of clothing. Also, for no prize whatsoever, you can let me know what you think. It's up to you.

I can't wait to see what else they do as this line matures.

New Article

Style Bard's freshest article is up at HerFabLife.com! Read it here:

Comfort vs. Beauty
- Can a girl have both and keep cool this summer?