Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Roses for Valentine's

Roses for Valentine's Day may sound like a tired cliche, but the flip side of many such stereotypes is the aspect of tradition. Roses are a timeless trinket of devotion, symbolizing love and passion. Despite the lectures we receive every year about being gift-creative, everyone enjoys receiving flowers. It's a classic gesture, and they're always bestsellers on February 14th.

Along with the Gift Guide I mentioned in a previous post, Judy's Book is also offering a Rose Guide. This chart organizes floral shops online for your convenience - you can sort by price, store, or location - there are 26 cities currently included so that you can find the florist near you. If you aren't by one of these locations, there are also national listings. Find the best deals on those roses you're going to buy to go with the 'creative gift' you can find in the V-Day Gift Guide. (Naturally, I recommend shoes!)

Judy's Book offers these tips:

1. Order one week in advance. Florists do not publish strict ordering deadlines for Valentine's Day.

2. Don't order too early. Many florists run promotions during the first week of February.

3. Roses become scarce. And more expensive. You may find better bargains purchasing flowers other than roses.

Hope this helps!

Monday, January 15, 2007

If It Doesn't Look Good on Her...

And yet another installment in the tragic lesson entitled:

If It Doesn't Look Good on a Model, It Won't Look Good on You.

This week I'll go so far as to add, if it doesn't look good on a Victoria's Secret model, it will look like unflattering swaddle on any of us. To wit:

Victoria's Secret Off-the-Shoulder Dress. It says: Woe is me, for matching a shirt to a skirt is so tediously hard! I shall only bear garments that are one piece of fabric, even if that fabric is jersey, and makes me, in my waifish size zero glory, look like my thighs and hips can destroy a small town. It also says: I wish VS paid me in merchandise, for then I could wear a flattering bra and try to save the shape this fugly dress forces upon my figure. Woe!

Victoria's Secret Cable Sweater Dress. I can just hear Tyra now. "You're a beautiful girl, and all of the judges believe you have what it takes. You came in here with bone structure and confidence. But all of the smoldering looks in the world won't make you a Top Model if you don't learn how to angle your face. You need to elongate the neck. Make up for your lack of jaw. Practice in the mirror until your short face looks fierce. And girl, even when designers put you in a god-awful dress that makes it look like a cable-knit snake is devouring your entire body and adding ten pounds, you need to stop scowling and work it!"

Victoria's Secret Back-Pleat Skirt. Um, my boyfriend is like, studying art in college? And like, he's taking this origami class? He totally made my favorite cotton skirt look like a napkin... one that's already been unfolded from a swan and sitting in someone's lap all night. But it's cool, you know, because I totally look like a beautiful swan myself now, right? Or some other exotic tailfeathered bird. Right? Oh well, as a last resort I can use it for tennis.

Victoria's Secret Ruched Pencil Skirt. Girl to perspective employer: Thank you for seeing me about this job. I know the sleek-and-tailored look is in right now, and makes me look like a professional who's got her act together. And I know a pencil skirt will totally flatter my tiny waist, girlish hips and flat stomach. But tell me the truth. Can you tell I've been sitting on a Greyhound bus for 14 hours overnight just to make it to this illustrious interview? Because that's how much I want it. I mean I didn't care enough to bring an iron or change clothes, but I really, really think I'd be an excellent employee at your company.
Perspective employer to girl: I can tell, but don't worry. You aren't the first girl this has happened to.

Victoria's Secret Bubble Skirt in Plush Corduroy. So, like, I know bubble skirts are totally in right now and everything. I mean, I see them everywhere in mainstream stores, not just on the extra-extra reduction rack at BCBG, or on kooky TV personalities like that chick nobody liked on Project Runway. That means that if I wear it I am totally in style, no matter what context is, right? Because, um, some girls in snowsuits were totally laughing a few minutes ago, and I kind of thought they were laughing at me. But how could they! This is corduroy! That makes it a perfect skirt for the snowy Colorado slopes! Well, anyway, they were probably laughing because they wished they had my hot, sexy legs. Which are actually kind of.. cold.. and blue right now. Oh well! Off to the Bunny Trail I go. Wish me luck!

And last but most exemplary of the rule:

Victoria's Secret Sequin Boots. Not a bad close up, if you're into preparing veryvery early for Halloween. Some people are just planners by nature. But... This says: Fifty dollars? Sir? Fifty... no? Okay, okay, twenty dollars. Twenty bucks, come on! Ten?! That's insulting! Make it twelve. Yes, sir, we have ourselves an arrangement. And oh, before we get back to the motel I should ask... would it bother you if I were actually a man, in drag? NOTHING. I said nothing! I said... pass me your cigarette, man, I'd love a drag...

Sunday, January 14, 2007


If you're nostalgic for the 80's, pass over the side-ponytails and the jumpers, put down your bedazzler, and for god's sake take off those shoulder pads! But do go ahead and buy these crazy Giuseppe Zanotti piped leather ankle boots. Originally $635, Bluefly has them for $381, and today only, they're an additional 20% off - that's $304.80. I am not advocating the eighties look... but I think this is the right touch, especially if you'll bypass those other atrocities. Although if I see leggings or orange-red rouge on your cheeks, so help you!

A last note: please friends, try to stop wearing the ankle-high boots with a skirt. Booties with tights and a skirt? Sure! Ankle boots? Never. The line of your leg is sectioned to several Dexter-esque chunks. You lose all your height and look like the wishful thinking of a serial killer. Is that what you want? No, no you don't. (And if you don't watch Dexter, go to it. Great show. If you like serial killers, and that sort of thing.)

Valentine's Day Gifts

If you're already thinking about Valentine's Day and worrying about what to get your loved ones, Judy's Book once again has the holidays covered to ease your shopping experience. I know it's a month early, but it's always good to browse in advance for great deals. If you're not ready to commit and shop this early, you can just pick up some fresh ideas by glancing through, and save money if you do stumble onto the perfect idea.

I already found a great deal: gift certificates to nice local restaurants according to your area at $10 for a $25 Gift Card to my favorite restaurant- can't beat that! It's exactly what I'd like to do this February 14th- if not with the perfect male someone, at least with my very best single girlfriends.

Go to for deals on everything from roses to restaurants, compiled and organized for you, for Valentine's Day, by the people at Judy's Book. And check back; more deals and suggestions will be added right up until February 14th!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Still Kicking

I admit to seeing the attraction to this shoe overall. Nice shape, flattering heel, neutral color - and look, a splash of this season's trend, the animal print, in a very subtle place (as it should be). All in all, nice.

But ladies, please don't reach for the faux ponyskin. Even- nay, especially- on sale for $19.00. It's just going to fall apart. You're just going to look tacky. And I know you're better than that.