Friday, May 26, 2006

Dr. Bard

Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hoops

I like to imagine that the girl in this picture is looking down at her reflection in the pool, waking from a zombie-like trance that had been cast on her by some Evil Fashion Villian, and exclaiming, "What the hell am I wearing? Who did my makeup? I am way too attractive for this crap!" And then, she, y'know, kicks some Evil Fashion Villian ass. Y'all know where this one is going, I presume. If not, scroll to the "What I'm..." a few posts down.

Tonight was my cousin's graduation party, and when I got there it was all I could do not to stomp my foot with exasperation when I found her wearing giant hoop earrings again! In fact, they were the same pair I had previously thrown in the pool; I learned that someone had actually gotten them out for her afterward. Yes, I took them off of her again. This time they went in the trash. Fear not, my present to her for graduation had actually been a card that read "Your gift can be any earrings or similar item - as long as they are bought with and by [the Style Bard]." Yes, I thought I'd give her another shot. A few years ago when I tried taking her shopping she was young, maybe now she'd actually retain that I'm not trying to be mean to her, I don't hate all hoops (I own a pair), I simply want her to look as pretty as she can. (And not like a pirate. Or a gypsy.) So, I'm not too sorry I threw them away... I just sincerely hope no one goes into the trash to get them for her!

The image above is actually from a site dedicated to hoop earrings, surprise, surprise. I think that some of the images on the website have the exact ratio disproportion which I loathe because it's unflattering to the models' faces. There's got to be a balance between my hoop criticisms and all-out hoop worship.

This article describes some alternatives to the traditional silver hoop. I thought it was helpful and I might show it to my cousin, because it provides variations on the hoop theme that has some kind of Invasion of the Body Snatchers-type hold on her.

If we can't find a compromise that works for her, for me, and for every addict out there, there is always the one fail-proof hoop:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You did it. Reading your blog has planted in me a compulsion to wear hoop earrings. I can see why your cousin does it. I'm small boned and one of my ears is higher than the other, so I don't like how any earrings look on me. But I do have the old holes that I got when I was twelve and with a little force, I can get a hoop through there. It may itch, it may rust, it may catch on a fence and tear my ear, but I'm wearing that hoop!